Sometimes, golf truly is a laughing matter

Who says golf is too serious? One of the things I love about our great game is that it sparks so many jokes.

A friend sent me these the other day. I’ve added my comment to each one:

The lowest numbered iron in your bag will always be impossible to hit.

That brings to mind one of the all-time funniest lines in the history of golf. Lee Trevino said you should hold up a 1-iron in a lightning storm for a simple reason: “Even God couldn’t hit a 1-iron.”

Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives.

That’s why I don’t play for money. The game is hard enough without the gambling aspect.

Confidence evaporates in the presence of fairway water.

And it’s even worse when the wind is blowing toward the out-of-bounds stakes.

It takes considerable pressure to make a penalty stroke adhere to a scorecard.

How many golfers even know how to compute penalty shots?

No matter how far its shaft extends, a ball retriever is always a foot too short to reach the ball.

I have a solution: Don’t hit it there.

The more your opponent quotes the rules, the greater the certainty that he cheats.

Gamesmanship is a noun with this definition: the ability to maneuver the rules to your advantage.

If you seem to be hitting your shots straight on the driving range, it’s probably because you’re not aiming at anything.

That’s why you should make your range time as similar to your course time as possible. Aim at a marker.

Most times the rake is always in the other trap.

Or on the other side of the bunker from where you are.

The wind is always in your face on 16 of the 18 holes.

And when you are hitting downwind, that’s when your drive stays about 10 feet off the ground.

Nothing straightens out a nasty slice quicker than a sharp dogleg to the right.

Same goes for a hook on a dog left.

The rough will be mowed tomorrow.

If they mow it at all.

The ball always lands where the pin was yesterday.

Happens to me at least once a round.

It always takes at least five holes to notice that a club is missing.

The new trend to leave in the pin while putting has exacerbated this trend. Used to be that we’d lay our clubs on the pin. Now we have to make sure we put them in a spot that we’ll walk past on the way to the cart.

Your straightest iron shot of the day will be exactly one club short.

One of the toughest things to do sometimes is to choose the right stick. The only thing tougher is reading the green.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

My post-birdie disasters are legendary.

You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time and a two-inch branch 90% of the time.

No excuses with the fairway – it doesn’t move. The branch sometimes does. It seems as if it has a catcher’s mitt.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

There’s nothing more frustrating than being positive about where your ball should be and then not being able to find it.

The practice green is either half as fast or twice as fast as all the other greens.

I’ve got to find an excuse for my putting somewhere. Yeah, that’s it – it’s the practice green.

No one with funny head covers ever broke par (except for Tiger Woods).

I can’t think of another pro who has had a head cover similar to Woods’ tiger. Maybe it was part of his intimidation when he was so dominant.

The only thing you can learn from golf books is that you can’t learn anything from golf books, but you have to read an awful lot of golf books to learn it.   

But you can learn a lot from golf blogs. Just look at how much you’ve learned from these 20 bits of humor.    

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